Mini Van Drivers

So I’ve been told time and time again, that I am just plain odd. I guess my brain just thinks differently than most, and I’m pretty observant. Well, to say the least I people watch. I mean who doesn’t right, it can be quite entertaining. Anyways, I will have you know I found a man just as odd as me! J … My husband asked me this question yesterday and now I’ m asking you… Have you ever noticed when driving down the road, the way people drive can be classified into 4 different categories?  For example Guys driving minivans. (Yep he surely does sound like me… well of course my reply was a quick yes and here’s some of our bantered conversation witty sarcasm, and combined conclusions.)

The first category we will call The Devoted Father. This driver drives his van out of love and is extremely cautious because typically he is carrying precious cargo. He often can be seen with please drive safely, children on board signs in the windows. He will often opt to start stopping at a green light instead of going through it thus causing you to have to swerve to avoid rear-ending him. This man is proud to drive his minivan. He views it as a badge of honor. He doesn’t view himself as girly or feminine at all.  The fact that there is a sports car in the lane next to him does not faze him nor does it make him feel like he has been castrated. He does not look upon sports cars as drool worthy because it wouldn’t look as cool to have my child is an honor student at *fill in the blank school*  on a sports car or truck. As long as he is driving his minivan, he views himself as a stud. He thinks he’s stylish sitting in the car rider lane at his child’s school because after all he is a minivan Dad! I think for this father we should make him stickers that say soccer dad instead of soccer mom.

The second category we can call Mechanic Man.  The Mechanic man is typically just that some sort of company worker, or in the “Service” industry. This man drives a solid white minivan and typically has some sort of insignia on his car representing the company he works for.  He and his decked out van like to speed because he always is in a hurry. Heaven forbid if you were to be in front of him going much slower than he wants to go because you will be shoved down the road.  Do not anger this man! He drives his minivan as if it were a rented car. He does not care what happens to this van of his, just as long as he shows up where he needs to be on time. Which has never ceased to amaze me how they give you a window say 2-4 and always end up showing up at like 3:45… why don’t they just say I’ll be there at 3:45, maybe  Mechanic man wouldn’t have to race to every appointment. How’s my driving the vans rear end challenges… Dare I answer?

The third category we will call the Macho Man. Ah, Macho man. This driver drives exactly like Mechanic man except he has no excuse (he’s not a service man). This man has a lead foot and doesn’t mind using it.  He can often be seen trying to race at Red lights. He will accelerate while holding his foot on both the gas and the brake so that his van revs like a race car.  Often times this man is not a man at all but a teenage boy! You might wonder if he accelerates much more if his van might explode. Maybe he dreams of being the next famous race car driver.

The fourth and last category we will call Manic Man.  Manic man is angry because he has to drive his van.  His minivan is often thoroughly beat up, with paint chips missing, rust spots exposed, headliner dangling, no ac, windows down, and tail pipe dragging the ground.  This man cannot afford a new car thus furthering his anger at said van. He whips in and out of traffic, narrowly missing cars on any given side of him. He runs red lights, and disobeys all traffic signs. He has a general uncaring attitude toward all things living while in his van. His seething rage can be further explained by the loud heavy metal screaming coming from the minivans speakers.  This man is generally angry at the whole world, which is seen by the expression he has on his face.  He is sometimes seen on the side of the road with the vans hood popped up and smoke rising from within. I wonder if he’s ever thought about taking a tire iron and just going to town on his car. After all it is his cars fault he has to drive it! If you see a Manic man please be extra cautious!

Do you know or have you ever witnessed one of these drivers? (Hope you found it as amusing as we did.)

Have a good weekend folks! J